Stuff they didn't tell me...

Or at least stuff I had heard but blocked out about what happens when you're pregnant.

- You're tired. A lot. Tired isn't really the word for it, maybe completely exhausted is better. I get wiped out doing the littlest things: taking a shower, loading the dishwasher, blow drying my hair, walking around the grocery store. You get the picture.

- You pee, a lot. Now I had heard this of course, that pregnant women have to use the bathroom a lot. I had no idea it was like this. It's especially bad at night. I usually go about 5 times in a row right before bed. Sometimes before I even flush I have to go again. One time I went 10 TIMES in an hour. I should buy stock in toilet paper.

- Bike butt. I've mentioned it before and I'll say it again - it sucks.

- Morning sickness. It's not just for mornings anymore! Or, if you're like me, it's not just for the 1st Trimester either. In the movies they show the newly pregnant gal toss her cookies once or twice and then it's over. Nope, I had my head hanging in the toilet for probably the first 4 months I was pregnant, and the only reason that still isn't a constant thing now is because I'm on prescription anti-nausea meds for it. Apparently my mom had morning sickness with me the whole time so I have her to thank for it. This must be revenge for the 24+ hours of labor I put her through.

- Various gastrointestinal symptoms and "girly issues" that I won't go into here, because they're mortifying and I love you all too much. Let's just say all your business gets out of whack. Oh, and heartburn like a mofo! I never had heartburn before being pregnant so I didn't really know what it felt like. The "Hummus Incident" of 2007 will forever go down in history. :(

- Your body becomes a spectacle for groping and open comments from the general public. Expect to be fondled, and often. Expect that people will say the dumbest things about how big you are, and often. Also expect that people will feel at liberty to tell you what you should be eating, drinking, doing, avoiding, etc. etc. They will also feel at liberty to ask you anything and everything about your plans for birth and breastfeeding, because this is information they NEED to know. Then they'll find it necessary to share the most horrifying details of their own childbirth or that of someone they know. Yes, please tell the woman who's already nervous as hell about childbirth all about how your sister broke her tailbone while pushing, or how they had to cut you wide open to get the kid out - that's exactly what I want to hear!

- Sleeping sucks. It's hard to get comfortable, your back aches, you can't lay on your stomach, just when you find a position that's somewhat comfortable it gets painful, or your sciatic nerve goes crazy, or you have to pee. I haven't slept more than 2 hours in a row in months.

- The belly gets in the way of everything. Bending over, crossing your legs, sitting in booths at restaurants. I don't know how many times I've closed the door to the fridge or a cabinet and whacked myself in the belly because I forget how much it sticks out. These days if I drop something on the floor I have to seriously debate whether I really need it enough to go through the ordeal of bending over to pick it back up. I've developed quite a talent for picking things up with my toes - I'm fairly certain I could file my taxes with my feet at this point.

That's all I can think of for now, but I'm sure there's more! :)